It was Friday afternoon at 3:00 when Abner and I entered the Vet office. Abner was very sick. After the Veterinarian finished her exam she said the words no one wants to hear…..“You have a decision to make ” When I heard these words the room became extremely cold and my breath labored. Emotions swirled like dried leaves in a storm. I swallowed hard to hold back the tears. Now? Oh no, not Now!
We all know when the time comes the hardest question we eventually have to answer is…… WHEN. Is it today? Now? Maybe tomorrow. Am I too soon? Have I waited too long? How do we decide….. “today is the day”. Even when we know deep in our hearts it is time and the right thing to do it doesn’t ease the hurt. We, strong adults that we try to be, are reduced to a rubble of uncontrollable tears.
It is hard to play God.
Abner came to me in February 2003. He was the first dog I picked up at the airport. He was so large at 12 weeks I had to get a luggage cart to get him to the car.
My first shepherd, Annie, taught him the ropes. Abner was an observer of life….not a player A massive German Shepherd who reached 130 lbs. He was magnificent and incredibly handsome. On walks people would cross the street so not to approach such a formidable character.
Late one summer afternoon this gentle giant found a baby bird in the grass under the big cottonwood tree in our back yard. Abner gently picked up the tiny bird in his soft mouth and brought it to me, dropping it in my lap. He stepped back and calmly watched with pride as it flapped its wings.
Abner’s favorite thing to do was to play ball. The tennis ball was never far away ……he even slept with one in his bed.
When Annie, his best friend, passed away he mourned to the point I feared for his life. I was teaching a workshop at the time in Taos, New Mexico so I took him with me to the workshop. He loved being around the artists, laughter, hugs and Mom.
It is interesting how our pets fill our lives and soul. Our dogs become one with us. They listen, cocking their heads as if contemplating the conversation, they know when we are emotionally or physically in pain so they silently sit by our side in support, they never demand or ask questions……they just trust. They are our very best friend….keeping us young in body and spirit while holding our deepest secrets in their heart.
Soon I realized Abner needed a companion. Enter the world of Emma. Picking her up at the airport was a polar opposite experience from my experience with Abner. She was scrawny, tiny and runt of the litter….and I had first pick!…go figure. I looked into the crate, the attendant looked into the crate….complete silence. I’m sure we both thought the same thing….you paid money for this?
Abner didn’t take kindly to Emma for the first couple days. After all, she wanted to play twenty four seven! Soon Abner started looking after her like a protective big brother.
One summer evening a large buck came to our 7 ft. wire fence that surrounded the back yard. Emma was intrigued by this large creature but Abner immediately took control. Turning on Emma in a rather rough manner he pushed her away then stepped in front to protect and confront the buck. I watched in amazement as Abner calmly governed the situation. He never once barked or growled….only energy was exchanged between Abner and the buck. Direct eye contact, firm stance, silence….then the buck took a step back. Abner had won.
This was how Abner lead his life. Had he been human he would have been labeled as the strong silent type.
Abner crossed the rainbow bridge in his normal gentle, soft manner. He was ready…..it was me who wanted him to stay. I’m sure Abner was greeted with great joy by Annie and his friend Posie. May they romp with glee enjoying their life without pain.
Good-bye my friend.